At 5:50 in the morning, on a Saturday, I was waiting for the liquor store to open so I could buy alcohol. That’s when realized, I had a problem and I needed help – my rock bottom moment.
I have experienced a lot of deaths in my family in the past few years. First, my dad, then my twin sister, then my uncle, then my aunt, and then my older sister.
My twin sister had Spina Bifida. One day, when I get home from work, she rolled away in her wheelchair to the other living room and I said ‘What’s wrong? What’s wrong?’ and she just said ‘Henry’. She said it one more time, and I was like what the heck is happening. Her lips were all white. When we got to the ER, I asked about my sister and they told us to come around to another room. I didn’t know they had this little room in the back with two couches and a cross. I got that sinking feeling again and I knew it wasn’t good. The doctor came in and said they can’t do anything.
I put my life on hold to try to help my mom out of her serious depression after all of our loss. I didn’t give myself any time to grieve because I focused all my attention on her. I just tried to keep busy to keep my mind off my pain, but all the drinking was destroying me. I was just drowning it out.
I remember I was driving on the 99 and I pulled off to stop at the store for a couple of beers and when I got back on the highway to come back to Visalia, I remember pulling over and it all hit me. I probably cried for a solid hour in my truck.
I know it’s going to get better but it’s just a battle that I’m going to face every day. But no matter what challenges come across my path, I’m learning to deal with them without the drinking, without the alcohol.
Alcoholism is part of my family’s past, and mine, but I don’t want it to be my son’s future.
I’m taking everything I’m learning here, and I’m going to make sure I can help my son in case I ever see the behaviors that I know will lead him down the wrong path. I want to break the cycle.